Forty Pounds of Footloose, and Not a Video Was Spilled...

By Kelly Sinon

 As kids morph into adults, sometimes, both the kids and the parents miss it, it happens so fast. Just ask my dad. Or me, for that matter.
 Standing in my garage with Dad, as he tells me the proper way to operate our water softener that never came with directions and sat unused for 8 years, I realize that I am completely engrossed in his instruction; listening intently, and committing his words to memory for later "download."
 Twenty-five years ago, I might have been listening, but something else would have been in my head playing at the same time so it would have sounded like, " Fill the water softener with Footloose, set the clock on the panel so it will cycle through one Kevin Bacon. Don't fill it with more than one bag or it will MTV all over the floor and then you'll have a lot of videos to mop up."
 You can see why Dad asked me what the hell I was doing a lot when I tried to follow instructions. Didn't he know that I was either dancing or singing or even writing in my head at any given moment? I got the finer points. You know...Don't stick a fork into the toaster to retrieve the stuck English muffin. Don't bring the radio into the shower with you, no matter how long the extension cord is; important stuff like that, that I was able to pass down to my kids who I know were only half listening, when I told them to collect all the trash from the house, and then bring it from the garage to the curb for garbage day. It made it as far as the garage. Where the water softener lived.
 As I absorbed all of the information Dad was giving me, I thought to myself, "He is still teaching me. I'm 43 years old and he is still teaching me." I was grateful that he was. I was grateful that he has the life experience to teach me something that turned out to to be very simple, but I didn't know. What I was really grateful for was that he still wanted to teach me, even when sometimes, I know I must have seemed almost unteachable 25 years ago. Parents don't give up, thankfully, or my water softener would still be unplugged, unused and mocking me every time I chucked something into the recycling.
 It makes me fast-forward to my kids' future when they are 46 and 40. I hope I can teach them something then. How to change the oil on the hover car...how not to over-cook the steaks on the hover B.B.Q. (Hopefully, all of our possessions won't be of the "hover" variety but you get the idea. It's the future.)
 Anyway, after The Husband dumped a 40 pound bag of salt into the softener and I plugged it in and set the clock, I was rewarded with the gurgling sounds of success. And not a single video to mop up. _________________________________________________________________________________________

Kelly Sinon lives in gilroy with her family...and 8 year-old, newly functioning water softener. She can be reached at kellysinon@gmail.com

Parental Advice that Lives On...And On

By Kelly Sinon

Parental Wisdom and Advice; we've all been the recipient of it at one time or several. My parents were full of Parental Wisdom and Advice. Now, as a parent, myself, I can look back and say, "What??"

Mom-isms from back in the day, were plentiful. A sampling would be something like this:

"No, go fix your hair. Girls who wear side ponytails are sluts." Okay, this was the late 70’s and early '80's and side ponytails were as big as...leg warmers, Dove shorts and Pac-Man. And I was the only girl who still had to wear braids or sport a Dorothy Hamil 'do. Yet, we were allowed the occasional tube top. Go figure.

"Don't play with Terry down the street, he'll pull your pants down." (What??) Keep in mind that Terry was a seven year-old boy who did in fact run around naked in his front yard, but that's another story. Mom must've gotten some sort vibe from him, because six months later, I was sitting in my bathroom with a washcloth over my right eye, because Terry had scratched me, and Mom chastising me that she told me so. I was also seven. I still have the reminder of it to this day. Never mind that he could've pulled my tube top down.

Dad-isms were also constructive and firm.

"If you two don't knock it off, I'm going to make you put your seat belts on," While glaring at us in the rearview mirror and traveling 85 miles an hour up I-5, as my sister and I played the "Stop Touching Me" game, on the six hour drive to Hayfork. Again, in all fairness, this might have been in the mid to late 70's and the crash test dummies had yet to drive (or crash) their point home.

Frustrated dads say things like, “I told you not to be stupid, you moron,” but then ten minutes later, tell you how smart he thinks you are. Just don’t let him catch you rolling your eyes. Or worse.

It caused me to wonder what my kids will giggle about when they are my age. What pearls of Wisdom (and Advice)  is  so ludicrous that they simply demand to be put down in print. I'd like to think that everything I impart is good and needlepoint pillow-worthy. Like this gem when my oldest was seven and making me crazy with...Oh, who even listens, I don't know.

"Katie, if you don't knock it off, I'm taking away all of your books." Okay, I'll say it for them... "What??"

Or to my youngest:

"Kirk, I really don’t like that kid you insist on playing with. He reminds me a used a used car salesman." Again, this is me, talking to a seven year-old. What's up with seven year-olds?

I love relating my parents' funny bits to my friends, especially friends who knew my parents, and I am vindicated in my "What??”

Those Parent-isms sure have stuck with me. Never once, did I wear a side ponytail (out in public, anyway. I still had to see what the fuss was about), and I knew that my sister and I would always play the “Stop Touching Me” game, so my seatbelt always goes on (Thanks, Dad).

This might explain why Katie has tons of books. Or why Kirk did in fact stop playing with that kid. Kids really do listen.

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Kelly Sinon lives in Gilroy with her family and can be reached at sksinon@aol.com.