By Kelly Sinon
I opened my eyes and felt a new feeling I wasn’t familiar with and I was…smiling. Smiling, first thing in the morning? I took tally of my “Things to Fret About” file in my head and realized that I must have dragged and dropped it into the recycle bin ( A. because ...well, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. And B. because I am me, I know it’s probably going to be short-lived. I was proven right, because ten minutes later, while reveling in this new feeling, it was somehow replaced by anxiety that I had nothing to be anxious about.).
The last couple of weeks, I have been Full of Fret (I know I could have said fretful here, but this sounds a lot more significant and dramatic… and really, since no one is editing me).
Dad had undergone shoulder replacement surgery and had had some pretty serious (although, if you ask him, “not that bad”) complications after, which put the near constant anxiety of the final word about our loan modification on hold.
Dad is 67, looks 57 and behaves likes he’s 27, still enjoying car racing and playing with cars. After he came home from surgery, a few days later, he was back in the hospital, thanks to his wife Carolyn not taking no for an answer, with a raging infection, and throat issues from an intubation gone wrong. Not able to eat, drink, or even speak well, he was still able to convey that he “didn’t need any help”, which on one hand was par for the course. He never needs help with anything (is that 8-year old me, bragging that her Dad is the biggest, strongest man in the world and could beat up your Dad? Probably.). On the other hand, my adult (?) self was very qualified to help him now, and it frustrated me that all I could do was walk their dog.
A week later, Dad was discharged almost none the worse for wear and recovering quickly. I teased him that I missed the sound of his voice, but it was really true. It was good to see him eating, drinking, and laughing , standing and looking tall to me again when they came over for dinner last night.
Sometime during all of this, we’d gotten the word that we were approved for our loan modification. It was a long ride, but at the end of it, all I could imagine was a new dishwasher (the bank was not getting my new dishwasher) , new floors (and dare I dream- new kitchen counters?), Katie, bringing home her future husband and Kirk walking down the stairs in a tux, on his way to the Prom. Did you notice that the dishwasher was number one on my list? Yeah, me too.
So, if it’s possible, I am going to embrace this Much Ado About Nothing anxiety. With a 27-year old father, two kids and a pretty self-contained husband, I am sure it will quickly be replaced with Much Ado About Everything in the Entire World anxiety. It’s okay…that feeling, I’m familiar with.
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Kelly Sinon will continue to live in Gilroy with her family. She can be reached at sksinon@aol.com
