Tuesday, June 25, 2013

I Got This....Just Watch Out for Rolling Cans of Corn


By: KELLY SINON


 I find that when I say, "I got this", I really don't..."got this."
 Whether it's grocery bags filled with all of the cans of corn purchased on special (Seriously,10 for $7.99 is not a deal to be passed up) and bagged by the I'm Not Hauling This Anywhere, So Suck It Up...Ma'am, teenager, or something more mentally challenging, like say, Sudoku (numbers never have been, and never will be my friends).
 The older I get, the more I'm realizing that it's okay to say, "I don't got this."
 Wine helps. It makes it easier to say, especially at 11:30 P.M., just after everyone else has gone upstairs to bed, and I'm pleasantly nodding out on the couch while debating heading up myself. I'm just not sure it makes it easier for people near me earlier in the evening to understand, depending on how many glasses (okay, that's not entirely true. You'll see why in a minute) I've had in order to be okay with saying, "I don't got this." Therein lies the conundrum.    
 Sober Kelly + "I got this" = probable mess in some fashion.
 Slightly Inebriated Kelly + "I got this" = certain mess in all fashions.
 I'm also not a big drinker, so a glass and half of whatever box (yes, I am in fact, just that classy) is in the fridge is a major deal.
  Luckily, I have two things going for me. 1. I do not actually like the taste of alcohol. At all. Unless it's chocolate flavored. Or frozen and made with fruit. ...And even more importantly, made by someone else. 2. I'm a lightweight. My friends from my ...ehem...younger days, will remember me as the designated driver in all situations, or the as The Girl Most Likely To Be Nursing The Same Drink All Night At The Party. Bet that'll make my Dad happy to read.
 Had I known of "I got this," as a kid, it would have been so handy. If there is a way to complicate something that should be simple, with nine more unnecessary steps, I would (and will still) find it, or better yet, invent it.
 The question most posed to me by my father: "What the Hell are you doing?" which was immediately followed by, "What the Hell are you talking about?" I'm also pretty sure that it's genetic, because my father's voice comes out of my 5 foot, 2 inch body when posing the same (now legitimate) questions to my kids.
 'No, no...I don't want to be a bother," has also been replaced as Jewish Motherspeak with "I got this," for the younger Jewish Mother set. I like it. I feel cool when I use it in this context. The best part is that the kids still know I'm exercising my Right to Guilt.
  In times of trouble though, "I got this," has served me well. It's not always...okay, rarely... been true, but has certainly summoned the needed jolt of (stupidity) confidence, deep from the depths... and I've only dropped a few cans of corn.
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Kelly Sinon can be seen at a grocery store near you, balancing boxes of wine and several cans of corn, but don't worry....She's got this.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Being The Good One...at Any Age

By Kelly Sinon


There's a phrase in our family that goes back a ways. Back to Brooklyn in the 50's when my Dad and his brother, Richie were growing up.
 From what my sister and I could tell, It all stemmed from one, or maybe even both of their parents declaring one of their sons the winner of The Good One award, for any good deed. It was the 50's. No one was perfect.
  As a kid, I remember my Dad and Uncle Richie Uncle Richie on the phone together (No, that is not a typo. He is fact called Uncle Richie Uncle Richie, now and forever because two little girls would be so excited to see their uncle, that they would jump up and down, and say, "Uncle Richie, Uncle Richie!" It stuck.), laughing and declaring each held the title of The Good One. I wasn't sure either of them really wanted it.
  Fast forward to those two little girls growing up. We had seemingly put our own spin on The Good One, in our own unwritten and unspoken way. When you did something you hoped was great for the folks or something that made them laugh, you were awarded with the knowledge that you were now in fact... The Good One.
  Being The Good One meant that you had certain Good One privileges until your sibling showed you up next week. The privileges were not given by the folks. Heck, they didn't even know that they had only one Good kid.
 The Good One title is bestowed upon oneself, to the dismay of the Less Good One. Being the Good One, meant you had carte blanche with sticking-out-your-tongue and haughty sneer privileges at the Less Good One, in any given situation, when the folks were admonishing The Less Good one for something, thereby cementing your Good One status and your sibling's demoralizing Less Good One fate. It got to be perplexing when you were sure only one parent liked what you did or said. There was no such thing as Half a Good One. It was all or nothing, Both parents had to approve. So you can see how hard it was to become The Good One.
 In our later years, once in a while, in jest ...(or was it?) one of us would out loud, in front of the parents, declare Good One status. Daring, I know. And just for fun...(or is it?) at any given family get-together, there is the inevitable announcement that someone is The Good One.
  Parents never want to say that they might, at any given moment in time, say that they related better to one of their children and the other just confuses them. But kids know. And so The Good One is born.
  In some ways, it was an equalizer, because you never held the position for long. Each of us got our moment in the sun and then later, that shining moment when you could call your sister and share the glory and declare her the winnner, as she does for you.
 So, at 40-something, we've learned that we are both The Good Ones, but I can't promise that I will renounce my sticking-out-my-tongue privileges.



Kelly Sinon can be reached thesinons@yahoo.com...and she has declared her Good One status, until....