I Got This....Just Watch Out for Rolling Cans of Corn

By: KELLY SINON


 I find that when I say, "I got this", I really don't..."got this."
 Whether it's grocery bags filled with all of the cans of corn purchased on special (Seriously,10 for $7.99 is not a deal to be passed up) and bagged by the I'm Not Hauling This Anywhere, So Suck It Up...Ma'am, teenager, or something more mentally challenging, like say, Sudoku (numbers never have been, and never will be my friends).
 The older I get, the more I'm realizing that it's okay to say, "I don't got this."
 Wine helps. It makes it easier to say, especially at 11:30 P.M., just after everyone else has gone upstairs to bed, and I'm pleasantly nodding out on the couch while debating heading up myself. I'm just not sure it makes it easier for people near me earlier in the evening to understand, depending on how many glasses (okay, that's not entirely true. You'll see why in a minute) I've had in order to be okay with saying, "I don't got this." Therein lies the conundrum.    
 Sober Kelly + "I got this" = probable mess in some fashion.
 Slightly Inebriated Kelly + "I got this" = certain mess in all fashions.
 I'm also not a big drinker, so a glass and half of whatever box (yes, I am in fact, just that classy) is in the fridge is a major deal.
  Luckily, I have two things going for me. 1. I do not actually like the taste of alcohol. At all. Unless it's chocolate flavored. Or frozen and made with fruit. ...And even more importantly, made by someone else. 2. I'm a lightweight. My friends from my ...ehem...younger days, will remember me as the designated driver in all situations, or the as The Girl Most Likely To Be Nursing The Same Drink All Night At The Party. Bet that'll make my Dad happy to read.
 Had I known of "I got this," as a kid, it would have been so handy. If there is a way to complicate something that should be simple, with nine more unnecessary steps, I would (and will still) find it, or better yet, invent it.
 The question most posed to me by my father: "What the Hell are you doing?" which was immediately followed by, "What the Hell are you talking about?" I'm also pretty sure that it's genetic, because my father's voice comes out of my 5 foot, 2 inch body when posing the same (now legitimate) questions to my kids.
 'No, no...I don't want to be a bother," has also been replaced as Jewish Motherspeak with "I got this," for the younger Jewish Mother set. I like it. I feel cool when I use it in this context. The best part is that the kids still know I'm exercising my Right to Guilt.
  In times of trouble though, "I got this," has served me well. It's not always...okay, rarely... been true, but has certainly summoned the needed jolt of (stupidity) confidence, deep from the depths... and I've only dropped a few cans of corn.
_________________________________________________________________________________________

Kelly Sinon can be seen at a grocery store near you, balancing boxes of wine and several cans of corn, but don't worry....She's got this.