By Kelly Sinon
I’m no noob to the marriage game and I am embarrassed to admit that I have finally figured it out.
The Secret. The crypt has been opened after nearly 21 years, revealing The One. The Equalizer; and it’s so simple, anyone can do it. When I say anyone, I mean wives. I do not want this information leaked out to the “stronger” sex. Don’t even get me started on that manacle.
Come closer, ladies, and let me tell you the secret of…(angels sing) “I forgot.”
Year one into marriage:
Wife: “Hi, Sweetheart. How was your day? Did you remember my mother’s birthday card at the store?”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: “That’s okay. I know I asked you as you were running out the door. I’ll get it. You work so hard,” Giving him a kiss.
Year five into marriage:Wife: “Hi, Babe, I’m upstairs folding laundry! Did you remember to call the plumber? Katie tried to flush her Barbie again.”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: (sigh) “Okay, well, I guess I can do it after I pick Katie up and run to the store to pick up Mom’s birthday card again,” From up the stairs.
Year ten into marriage:
Wife: “(insert offending husband’s name here), did you remember to pay the car insurance bill?”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: “Alright. (pressing lips together) “After I pick up the kids, and call the plumber after we tried to fix the leaky toilet again, and pick up Mom’s birthday card. Again. I will pay the car insurance bill.”
Year 15 into marriage:
Wife: “Hey, did you remember to defrost the steaks you’re grilling tonight? The family will be here at six.”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: (rolls eyes) “Seriously? We’ll order pizza.”
Year 20 into marriage:
Husband: “Hon, (he never calls you by your name. You are convinced he’s forgotten it) did you pull the laundry out of the dryer?”
Wife: (those are not my socks and damned well not my underwear. Ewww) Well, I was about…
(somewhere, angels sing). “You know what? I… (deep breath followed by exhilarated exhalation)…forgot!”
Husband: “Oh, okay.”
Wait, what? That was easy. Too easy. Is that all I had to do? I have kept a day planner in my head for every bill, dentist office’s phone number, birth date, chore and homework assignment for 21 years and this is the easy fix? “I forgot.”
The Secret. The crypt has been opened after nearly 21 years, revealing The One. The Equalizer; and it’s so simple, anyone can do it. When I say anyone, I mean wives. I do not want this information leaked out to the “stronger” sex. Don’t even get me started on that manacle.
Come closer, ladies, and let me tell you the secret of…(angels sing) “I forgot.”
Year one into marriage:
Wife: “Hi, Sweetheart. How was your day? Did you remember my mother’s birthday card at the store?”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: “That’s okay. I know I asked you as you were running out the door. I’ll get it. You work so hard,” Giving him a kiss.
Year five into marriage:Wife: “Hi, Babe, I’m upstairs folding laundry! Did you remember to call the plumber? Katie tried to flush her Barbie again.”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: (sigh) “Okay, well, I guess I can do it after I pick Katie up and run to the store to pick up Mom’s birthday card again,” From up the stairs.
Year ten into marriage:
Wife: “(insert offending husband’s name here), did you remember to pay the car insurance bill?”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: “Alright. (pressing lips together) “After I pick up the kids, and call the plumber after we tried to fix the leaky toilet again, and pick up Mom’s birthday card. Again. I will pay the car insurance bill.”
Year 15 into marriage:
Wife: “Hey, did you remember to defrost the steaks you’re grilling tonight? The family will be here at six.”
Husband: “I forgot.”
Wife: (rolls eyes) “Seriously? We’ll order pizza.”
Year 20 into marriage:
Husband: “Hon, (he never calls you by your name. You are convinced he’s forgotten it) did you pull the laundry out of the dryer?”
Wife: (those are not my socks and damned well not my underwear. Ewww) Well, I was about…
(somewhere, angels sing). “You know what? I… (deep breath followed by exhilarated exhalation)…forgot!”
Husband: “Oh, okay.”
Wait, what? That was easy. Too easy. Is that all I had to do? I have kept a day planner in my head for every bill, dentist office’s phone number, birth date, chore and homework assignment for 21 years and this is the easy fix? “I forgot.”
Shock and awe! I was liberated by two words.
In the last few days, I have “forgotten” to make the bed, cook dinner and even brush my hair on Sunday.
I am going to enjoy the next 21 years.
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